I’m completely exhausted with all those frequent trips I’ve made to and fro between different cities, the late nights of binge-socialising for giving my good-byes, and more venturing outside while weaving together the series of events that has happened since I came to Korea and also pondering possible events that could alter my future. We all do a binge thingy from time to time whether it be eating, drinking, shopping, loving or blogging or whatever, even if it is bad for you.
Anyway, another reason I feel so tired with pain on my back and shoulders is that I’ve carrying my new bulky camera bag on my shoulders every single day, ditching my girly handbag for it. To tell you briefly about the new purchase, now that it’s already been mentioned, I had mixed feelings of excitement, anxiety and disappointment when I finally upgraded my camera and lenses, but I think I’m slowly regaining the confidence I had before I got them. Getting used to a new thing always involves a tough transient time, doesn’t it? Though I’ve been testing my new camera, it has been mostly on the twins and nature, not much on food because I’ve been staying away from the kitchen this month and have been eating out a lot instead, which led to some decent dining experience, yes, finally, and all by chance.
<Grilled Mushroom Salad with Homemade Ricotta at La Notte>
So I’ve been writing articles about the places on my two other blogs, as you might know, one for The KoreaTaste Org, and two for my Korean blog, where I practice my Korean writing skills. So my brain’s very busy and confused switching between two languages, and I sometimes feel as if my brain was in the neutral state, ready to change its gear at any given moment. Despite the myth about bilingual kids being smarter and more efficient, I feel so dumb most of the time and feel like my brain is in the vacuum state until there is something to absorb. You won’t know what it must be like unless you’re a bilingual. It’s been an interesting experience thinking in English and speaking in Korean. Anyway, my keeping up with the other blogs would probably explain my absence from this site. For that, I’m very sorry to my invisible readers.
As much as I’ve been trying to cramp what I can do into the limited time I’ve got, I’ve been trying not to engage myself in any situations that might give me more opportunities to do more work. This isn’t a nice feeling; it is like walking a green mile in a way. Odd analogy? Well, you want to do the things on your wishlist because it is your last chance to do so but then you don’t want to do anything because you don’t see the point doing so for you will soon be dead, right? And there is also the process of endless and random flashbacks, fears and regrets, etc. As you have no clues of how complicated my situation is, all my emotional and philosophical thinking, in other word, whining and wallowing, for the last year might have left you wondering what the heck all that is about, right? But to say just one thing to assist with your understanding, – I’m a girl of few words, you see? I don’t talk much but I like to feel things and blogging helps to organise my thoughts – I’ve been living by deadlines; I’ve executing my own life by setting a time limit. I should shake off my fear for what would come in 2 years time and try to enjoy what is in front of me, hoping that at the end of this walk is waiting not an electric chair but a comfy couch with many woolly cushions. Ah, why 2 years? Well, you should wait and find out yourself what happens to me in 2 years. Only I will be laughing about it looking back on what I went through.
The weather suddenly turned cold overnight and I found myself blowing hot air over my hands while out helping my friend, Mr. Skinny, sticking ‘Lost dog’ flyers on to lampposts around the neighbourhood. That night I thought that if that happens to me, I’d rather put flyers in the letterboxes because that would increase the chance of it being seen by people and reduce the risk of it being taken down by council workers. Sorry for the off-topic.
Of many stupid things I’ve done in October, the two stupidest things are allowing myself to be stuck with the twins for a week and walking for 4 hours along the ancient fortress wall, all by accident. Come to think of it, many of the events that have happened in my life have been the results of accidentality and sponteneousity. Someone said to me once that I live my life like a candle in the wind, like Merlin Monroe. I sometimes wonder if my damsel-in-distress-like life would have something to do with the damn beauty spot, though to Koreans it means a foodie spot, not a beautie spot.
One morning I just went on a walking spree with an excuse for the shots of autumn trees in beautiful colours, but not only did I not see much of colourful leaves but I ended up somewhere I had least expected. Half the walk was good until I kept being interrupted by the guard warning me not to take photos for the military security.
I felt quite sad that the place that could have been one of the most beautiful places on earth had to be spoiled by the watchful eyes of military guards popping out at every 50 metres. Damn it! I was desperate to take photos.
So I tried to take sneaky photos by pointing and pressing the shutter button while the camera still hanging low down my chest and got caught once by a guard and asked to delete the photos I had just taken. I, relieved that he didn’t confiscate my camera, complied with his orders and deleted all the photos while he was watching me do it. God, I must say that I understood for a second what it must be like to be an undercover or spy. Would I be eligible to be one? Hmm…maybe?
<Bullet marks left by the North Koreans during the 1968 geurilla attack in an attemp to assasinate the President in the South>
I saved one photo that I didn’t want to delete by quickly pressing the delete button till the second last and pressing delete while turning off the camera at the same time before the screen showed the next photo. I did it very quickly so that he wouldn’t notice both the photo and my hands shaking. But after that, I felt like I was being followed and my heart dropped whenever I saw the guards whispering into their walkie talkies. Cursing my huge lens and trying not to do anything suspicious, I deliberately walked at a slower speed, stopping within their eyeshot, even making conversations with them.
Looking over the concrete city with high rises, I said to myself, “What am I doing here?” “I don’t belong here.” But the area near the fortress, so called The Blue House Neighbourhood, is one of the most prestigious residential areas where all the high government officials live compared to Gangnam and Apgujeong where money makers live. It seemed ridiculous even seeking a new opportunity in the country where only a few privileged have the luxury of living in tree lined streets with good cafes and bakeries of average quality, which can be found everywhere in Sydney, except for the interior. They seem to throw a lot of money into turning the place into an Alice in Wonderland sort of fantasy world that is filled with out-of-place props that only serve the purpose of filling the space; no uniqueness, no meanings, no personality. I hope they pay more attention to the quality of food and service as this city is so in need of places that can help to broaden and refine people’s palate.
I’ve just heard the news that this weekend is going to be the peak time for the autum exhibitionof multi-coloured paintings drawn by the nature. I’d better pack my camera bag again for a trip to a nearest mountain.